A warning to all parents

Once you make the decision to be open and honest with your kids about sex you need to understand it encompasses more than just the basic birds and bees talk. I thought the hard part was over once we covered the penis and vagina part. We even got through menstruation fairly unscathed. Little did we know the flood gates were yet to open.

OK, so we freaked a tiny bit when our 5th grade daughter asked us what a hand job was, but true to our promise we explained as honestly as we could. We even survived almost daily "pube"checks with our son as neared puberty. I was naive enough to think the boy would be the easy one. I guess that's because I'm not one and I didn't understand all they go through in becoming men.

Like most little boys he has been fascinated by his penis since he was little. Running around naked has been his favorite pastime since he could walk. When he was about 5 we were on vacation, and he was drying himself after his bath. He had dried that area so thoroughly that he was amazed when he got it to stand at attention. He yelled for everyone to look. "Look what I made it do."

More recently it has taken to achieving full mast status because the wind blew a certain way. This was something I expected with a little boy. This I wasn't surprised about. But when your son comes to you and says "Mom, can you look at my junk. It's all red and swollen." you need to steel yourself for the task. I went into full-on nurse mode expecting poison ivy from peeing in the woods. I quickly realized this was not something that mommy needed to address. I referred him to his father, who, after the prerequisite jokes about where he may or may not have been putting it, quickly determined the cause.

No mother should be included in the conversation with her 13 year old son about acceptable lubricants for "rubbing one out". It's times like these that I wish my husband and son enjoyed fishing or hunting or any activity that would offer them the opportunity to discuss these sorts of things.

I will say this for my husband, he held true to our pact of discussing anything and everything openly and honestly. I held up my end by sitting catatonic on the couch and trying to pretend I wasn't hearing everything I was hearing.