Parenting Fail

This has been a disappointing summer. Money problems, teenager problems and smothering heat with no end in sight. The money situation has improved a little; which is to say the other shoe finally dropped, but we paid off one car so we are basically back to where we were. The heat isn't anything we can control so I'll just have to deal with butt sweat for the next couple of months. But the teenager problems...well, those are proving harder to deal with.

Let me explain. The summer started innocently enough with a couple of trespassing issues. Nothing destructive like vandalism or theft, just getting caught where they weren't supposed to be. The more upsetting issues have only recently come to light. It would appear that my son has decided to become a smoker. The one child I was sure would never touch a cigarette has decided to die from lung cancer like his beloved great-grandfather. After several lengthy lectures and his assurances that it was only an occasional thing I have caught him at it again in our own backyard. After asking him repeatedly if he had any more in his possession he once again lied his ass off to tell me he bummed from friends whenever he had the urge. Tonight he finally coughed up a pack of Camel's.

A couple of days after the initial smoking discovery we were surprised to find that someone had used his trumpet mouthpiece as a marijuana pipe. He swears up and down that he wasn't smoking when they used his mouthpiece, but finally admitted to trying pot a few weeks ago for the first and only time. His track record for being completely honest leads me to believe that is a bunch of horseshit. We will begin drug testing him monthly in a few weeks once we are sure that this initial transgression is out of his system.

The most heartbreaking thing about all of this is that in almost every other aspect he his the best teenager anyone could ask for. Like his father said, every time you are just about to bust with pride he does something stupid to disappoint you.

These are scary uncharted waters for us as parents. My husband has admitted to experimenting with pot a few times as a teenager but ultimately he decided it wasn't for him. I never did. And with their father being an alcoholic and using smokeless tobacco (ie Skoal) both of our kids are prone to having an addictive personality. How do you teach someone will power? We can tell them "no", we can ground them, we can remove privileges, but when they are away from us they are going to do whatever the hell they want. Parenting is more about faith than any religion. I have to just send them out into the world and believe that something that I've said will stick. That just sucks because I'm an atheist so I'm not big on faith.