That's what my husband is, a 46 year old bully. His threats have now extended to my 16y/o daughter. If she doesn't get with the program she has to leave. Honestly my kids are better behaved than most. Are they sloppy and lazy and sometimes smart-mouthed? Of course. But they get good grades, they don't do drugs and they aren't deliberately disobedient.
I don't know if I can let her live with the constant threats of being put on the street. But I don't want to leave mainly because I don't have any money or anywhere to go, but also because I want to believe that "This too shall pass."
The part of me that still loves him hopes that something happens to me so he can have a few happy years alone. The part of me that hates and resents him hopes he has that heart attack he keeps threatening. Of course the majority of me hopes some miracle will swoop from the sky and drop enough money on us that we can finally live the separate lives we've both been not so secretly dreaming of lately.
I'm writing all of this in the heat of the moment and I realize it sounds harsh. By tomorrow or the next day things will probably be closer to normal with him just seething with anger about the tax issue. Hopefully the message to the kids about helping with the housework will stick around a little longer.
Fingers crossed.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
The Ultimatum
Had the big family meeting this morning. What it boils down to is this...either the kids straighten up and fly right or he's throwing me out. They can choose to stay or go with me. He can't handle the stress of our money situation, the stress of work and the stress of his home life.
We were a month away from being able to touch bottom in this flood of debt, and my mistake has pulled us like a riptide farther from the shore. Honestly I don't think it will take us but maybe a year to get this straightened out, but it will be a tight year. We have a few assets we could liquidate to make the process easier, but they are things that are precious to him. I have nothing of value because I spent all of my money, and what little he gave me, trying to keep the utilities on and some food in the fridge.
He blames me for the kids' lack of respect for him. Maybe watching him sway from side to side with a stupid drunken grin on his face half the time might have something to do with it, but what do I know. I've defended him, but he doesn't see or remember that. He blames me for our money problems. I agree that I am directly, but he never cared to be involved and it was never a good time to talk when I tried to bring it up.
So there it is. Every good family depends on a strong matriarch and that is not me. I am weak and no better than one of his ungrateful, disrespectful children. Lucky for him I'm the one that can most easily disposed of. Problem solved.
Oh and Wednesday will be our 20th anniversary. Happy Fucking Anniversary Sweetheart!
We were a month away from being able to touch bottom in this flood of debt, and my mistake has pulled us like a riptide farther from the shore. Honestly I don't think it will take us but maybe a year to get this straightened out, but it will be a tight year. We have a few assets we could liquidate to make the process easier, but they are things that are precious to him. I have nothing of value because I spent all of my money, and what little he gave me, trying to keep the utilities on and some food in the fridge.
He blames me for the kids' lack of respect for him. Maybe watching him sway from side to side with a stupid drunken grin on his face half the time might have something to do with it, but what do I know. I've defended him, but he doesn't see or remember that. He blames me for our money problems. I agree that I am directly, but he never cared to be involved and it was never a good time to talk when I tried to bring it up.
So there it is. Every good family depends on a strong matriarch and that is not me. I am weak and no better than one of his ungrateful, disrespectful children. Lucky for him I'm the one that can most easily disposed of. Problem solved.
Oh and Wednesday will be our 20th anniversary. Happy Fucking Anniversary Sweetheart!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
The Shit is Rapidly Approaching the Fan...
Well here it is. The thing I have been dreading for two years is about to deal the deathblow to my life.
After being laid off from the bank I was confident that a new job was right around the corner. Severance money was squandered trying to make it the best summer my kids ever had to set their mind at ease. After several months I did finally get a new job, but bills were so screwed up by that point that I dipped into my old 401k without telling my better half. I thought when I had them take taxes out of withdrawal that we were all good. The following year when I went to file taxes I failed to include the withdrawal as part of our income. Now the IRS wants the refund we received plus the penalty we would have owed. All total it's $6k.
I've come clean about part of it...mentioning that I did take a portion of the 401k and that I legitimately thought that having them take taxes out was the end of it...not including the withdrawal as income was something I probably should have known about. He wants to see a CPA and make sure the claim is correct. I know it's correct, but I don't want him to find out just much I took.
I know a $6k IRS penalty isn't the end of the world, and I'm sure the IRS will offer us payment options. Money handling has never been a stable part of our relationship. Neither one of us is good about being fiscally responsible. I've tried to handle things on my own because he was already under enough stress that his drinking was considerably worse. I thought I was sheltering him and doing the best thing for him shouldering the burden on my own. Of course this probably has a lot to do with the fact that I am not happy unless I make myself miserable.
Well, in that case I'm the happiest woman in the world right now because I seriously wish I was dead.
After being laid off from the bank I was confident that a new job was right around the corner. Severance money was squandered trying to make it the best summer my kids ever had to set their mind at ease. After several months I did finally get a new job, but bills were so screwed up by that point that I dipped into my old 401k without telling my better half. I thought when I had them take taxes out of withdrawal that we were all good. The following year when I went to file taxes I failed to include the withdrawal as part of our income. Now the IRS wants the refund we received plus the penalty we would have owed. All total it's $6k.
I've come clean about part of it...mentioning that I did take a portion of the 401k and that I legitimately thought that having them take taxes out was the end of it...not including the withdrawal as income was something I probably should have known about. He wants to see a CPA and make sure the claim is correct. I know it's correct, but I don't want him to find out just much I took.
I know a $6k IRS penalty isn't the end of the world, and I'm sure the IRS will offer us payment options. Money handling has never been a stable part of our relationship. Neither one of us is good about being fiscally responsible. I've tried to handle things on my own because he was already under enough stress that his drinking was considerably worse. I thought I was sheltering him and doing the best thing for him shouldering the burden on my own. Of course this probably has a lot to do with the fact that I am not happy unless I make myself miserable.
Well, in that case I'm the happiest woman in the world right now because I seriously wish I was dead.
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