Chapter 1...I am born.

My mother had the misfortune of being a pregnant teenager before Roe v. Wade. Or you could say I had the misfortune of being the product of a pregnant teenager before Roe v. Wade.

Here are the cliff notes on my early years. My mom and dad dated in high school. They partied a little too much on graduation night and had a quick wedding a few months later. Dad did what any fresh out of high school husband and father does, he joined the military and got shipped off to Vietnam.

While he was away he was undoubtedly "loved long time" by many Vietnamese ladies while my mom was stateside screwing around with a married ex-con. Yes, my mother had the audacity to be seen in my dad's car with this guy, me on her lap, by none other than her in-laws.

Shortly after he returned from Vietnam they were divorced and 6 months later my mom had my little brother. Dad stayed in the military and quickly remarried. Mom took my brother and I and hid from the rest of the family by shacking up with the married boyfriend.

I don't know much about the boyfriend, but I've heard that I would hide under the bed and in closets when he was around. I also heard that he almost broke her arm while she was pregnant with my brother. Drugs were rumored to be involved as well. No wonder she wouldn't list him on my brother's birth certificate.

Dad was able to force visitation. Once he got his hands on me he left town and refused to return until she left this loser. In my mind that is the only decent thing my dad has done for me, but more about him later. Mom came to her senses and left her boyfriend. She went to live with her parents, my g-ma and poppa.

The next several years were as near to perfect as my life has ever been. G-ma was an amazing woman and raised my brother and I as if we were her own kids. Mom was around, but she was more like a much older sibling than a parent.

The thing I hated the most during this period was the visitation situation, every other weekend with my dad's parents. Since he was stationed out of state they got the privilege of babysitting their son's kid. Trust me, that's how they felt and they weren't always good at hiding their resentment.

Now, my paternal grandparents were loud and obnoxious people. They loved to gossip and put people down. The best way to survive was to throw someone else in front of the bus. As a kid I quickly learned the rule, but I didn't learn to turn it off before returning home. My life became a cycle of being picked on for being too much like my mother's family to be being punished for my attitude and behavior when returning from a visit with my father's family.

As I grew older I became better at being one way here and one way there. This is a skill that served me well in my customer service jobs. I can assimilate into any crowd. The biggest drawback to living like this is you never really get to develop your own identity.

This seems like your pretty standard run-of-the-mill dysfunction. Nothing too spectacular or therapy inducing until...