Bottomless Pit

Things are bad. Things are really bad. I keep waiting for things to turn around and start improving, but I don't think there is a bottom. What's the problem? Money.

We are broke. We are broker than broke. I'm not really sure how it got this bad. I know it has to do with the mismanagement of my severance package and the 6 months it took me to find a job with a comparable salary.

All of our credit cards are out of commission so it's paycheck to paycheck. Well, we are actually a few paychecks behind. I live in fear of the repo man because I'm scared to find out how far we are behind on the car notes. The transmission might be going out on one and the other needs new tires.

Twenty years ago, at pre-martial counseling, the minister shook his head upon discovering that neither of us was good with money. Strangely enough that's not what we really fight about. Come to think of it we never really talk about money. I guess that's because it doesn't ever a discussion about what to do, but of whose to blame. He still has the his and hers mentality. After almost 20 years you would think somethings would be ours.

We are both really bad about not denying the kids a lot of things. Not necessarily material things, but also opportunities. That's mostly my fault. I was never given any opportunities to do things and experience things. If they have an interest in a sport or activity I can't say no.

I don't pay bills....I pay cut-off notices and reconnect fees. The really sad thing is we only owe about $25,ooo and that includes a few credit cards and the balances on both car notes. It's like drowning within site of the shore.